Cast of Metro Characters

There are certain characters I imagine you can find on every subway, metro or train. At least this has been my observation. There is always someone doing a song & dance - literally - in the hopes of enchanting droid like metro users into parting with their money. Yup "droid like" cause every passenger except the people traveling in packs literally shut down and assume the "I am not your friend! Don't mess with me! " face once they enter the zones of mass public transportation . Enter "Phone Guy” (or person – more gender neutral) who wishes to “bless” the whole world with his conversation. Now these conversations are by their very definition fraught with some type of drama that the average person would prefer to keep private rather than have on blast to John & Jane public. One may argue that maybe this guy is just hard of hearing or he doesn’t realize how loud he is or his phone is shit or… or… or ...point is Phone Guy is just LOUD, usually about personal stuff giving all the other passengers without earphones an ear full. Then you have the “Beautiful Person” - that person who is so breathtakingly bright and shiny - you have to force yourself not too stare at them or you run the risk of adopting the persona of “Creepy Person” (coming up) . They usually smell really good too, so if you stand next to them, you are tempted to sniff them (which you tell yourself is a lesser evil than licking them) or frequently inhaling deeply - again you run the risk of becoming Creepy Person. Really the only way to deal with this is to – LOOK AWAY! – kind of like stepping away from the light – keep eyes averted and fain disinterest. Then there is "Make-out Couple" (in some places like Madrid that is every 5th couple - we talk about that later). This couple feels the need to "express" their love as publicly as possible, best excuse - they live with parent and it’s the only place they can do it privately because after all no one is really paying attention - are they? Except - there is a look of “get a room” (which the couple alone is oblivious too) on everyone’s face and the slow shaking of heads once they disembark. This one is followed by “Loud Teenage Mob”, which is amplified 100% if this teenage mob consists solely of pubescent giggling teenage girls - need I say more. Now on to “Creepy Person” (usually a guy). This is the guy that makes you hug yourself or your purse or makes you think about full deck of cards, marbles not rolling in same direction, loony toons etc. He stares too long, sniffs too much, twitches frequently and mumbles to no one in particular. Next up “Smelly Guy” (sorry guys usually it is a guy). Smelly guy needs no introduction, we all know him - the burn your nose, I am going to die or throw up if I don't get of this train now guy. This guy causes mass evacuation at the earliest convenience, makes you get off before your stop or quickly transfer between cars. This is the guy who has you smelling your clothes in the hopes of counteracting your rolling stomach with your own scent. It’s the same guy whose stink stays in your nose - this results in you sniffing yourself for the rest of the day because you swear the stink is now in your clothes! The final persona to the cast of metro characters (for now) is a rare creature rarely seen except late at night or very early in the morning, when most people are not using the metro. I recently had the opportunity to sight this rear creature around 10:30am. His existence was discovered thanks to the putrid, disgusting and upsetting smell of vomit! This smell led unsuspecting commuters to the "I'm So Drunk I Puked On Myself And Passed Out Cold On The Train Guy”. It's 10:30 in the morning so this guy was probably passed out on line 7 (yup I remember the line number) since earlier on in the morning after, what I imagine will be described later – over drinks no less – as an awesomely epic night. If in fact somewhere along line 7 was ever actually his destination. He has been passed out in his own stink for possibly hours while commuters get on and off the metro subjected to his humiliation and the most revolting smell so early in the morning. I guess in the grand scheme of things it’s only humiliating, if he actually wakes up and feels ashamed ...would have loved to be the fly on the wall wearing a gas mask of course to see what happened when he got up. One thing for sure no was going to rob or harass him – a fool proof way to sleep on the metro unmolested.

A Little Touch of Spice - Grenada

Skyline - blue, waterline - blue, canopy - green, fauna - bountiful, warmth - inherent, friendliness - given, satisfaction - guaranteed, island utopia - as close to it as you will get. The word association game for Grenada puts one in a jovial mood to say the least. I have always found it’s simple colloquial beauty beguiling. One small island nestled between the Caribbean Sea and Atlantic Ocean, north of T&T has manage to capture in a nut shell or dear I be incredibly cheesy and say in a "nutmeg" just enough - beach, mountain, greenery, old worldliness and modern comforts to make it beautifully idealistic. In my mind, Dominica is known for its verdant greenery and untouched tropical wildness. Barbados for its beaches, picture-est cleanliness and Oisten’s on a Friday night. St. Vincent for the sprawling beauty of the Grenadines - an island for each day of the month and its rich natural black sand. Grenada has manage to capture all the essential elements on a seemingly tiny land mass of 132.8 sq miles. To complement the Grenada experience there is of course the food! If you are on the island for what I like to call a “short/short” meaning that your time in any given place could not be shorter even if you tried, then the best way to have an epic culture emersion experience is through the food. Now I should have pre-empted this grandiose statement by saying – I love food. I don’t like to cook (I think ‘hate’ may be a strong word though I am tempted to use it) and this may stem from the fact that I am just not good at it or maybe it’s the other way around – I lack the cooking skills because I don’t like to cook. My chef-inclined friends may in turn argue how could I love food if I don’t love the process that creates it – to them I say – I love shoes but I don’t know how to make them either, doesn’t make me love them any less. Anyway all of this is irrelevant – fact reminds – I LOVE FOOD and I fully endorse it as a cultural experience. Using the universal “doubles vendor rule” Vicky went onto to trip advisor and found that BB’s Crab Back was highly recommended. And not just by five people – try 200 plus people. In order to solidify our choice we did the ultimate litmus test – we asked a local - and the immediate “yeah man that is good food” was enough to send us straight to what would become one of the most orgasmic food experiences during our travels. I know orgasmic is a strong word that is not be taken or used lightly but trust me when I say that the food was worthy of the word. We arrived at the Carrenage quickly, about 10 to 15 minutes from where we were staying. In my humble opinion the Carrenage is one of the most charming places in Grenada, it has a character of its own…colourful colonial building littered across the gently sloping hillside interspersed with stately trees overlooking marine blue water, luxury yachts as well as the more humble seafaring vessels. The buildings - like children brightly dressed forming a playful semi-circle around a puddle of water setting their toy boats to sail at the centre. Amidst this picture is where you will find BB’s, in the far left corner, right next to the old dilapidated French colonial house happily perched on the water edge waiting for me to buy and restore to its former glory for my Grenada vacation home…what?!.. a girl can dream! We enter the building that I later realized is a lot more impressive when lit at night. As you enter you are greeted by the many accolades of the chef and owner as evidenced by the cheerful spattering of pictures on the wall. Apparently the West Indies cricket team are regulars and even Opera has eaten there. The ambiance is not overly fussy or formal. The intentional graphitic design aesthetic is the first thing that catches your eye as it seems that every square inch of the walls is covered with the names of the many satisfied customers that have graced the hallowed halls of this Grenada institution. There is nothing I like better than saying “I was here” so I immediately ask for a marker so that I can leave my paw print. We are greeted by Ashley who we later learn is the oldest son of the owner and who the “Seared Tuna Ashley” is named after. The chef has chosen to celebrate the personality of his children through his favourite dishes a quirky extra that I like very much. There is the “Meaty Mia” and the “Twin Benjamin – Daddies Girls”. Now Ashley may just have been the best waiter ever – everything we asked for was greeted with a “sure”, “yes”, “no problem” even when we sort to switch out menu items he didn’t bat an eyelash – our wish was his command! The pina coladas came topped with fresh grated coconut and you could taste the alcohol - we knew we had hit jackpot. Choosing a dish was difficult because they all sounded so delicious. After much deliberation (an unfortunate by-product of too many choices) I went with the signature Crab Backs for which the place is named – because to me that just made sense and I am usually helplessly at the mercy of shell seafood-it’s a favourite! This was topped with mini bakes, fried bread fruit and pumpkin fritters on the side which I greedily added. This was supposed to be a “starter” – the portion was so generous that it became my main course. Vicky had the scrumptious crayfish and Robert the curry goat. The collective “oohhh” “aaahh” and “OMG” that filtered from our table was all the reassurance other guest needed that the food was delectably, lip-smacking good. The chef came out to greet us - a stout and cheerful man with a bountiful laugh and big personality. We had nothing but praise for the feast spread before us. The only criticism of my offering (“offering” because this could only be food of the gods) was that my small salad had too much dressing, this I didn’t share with the chef as I don’t like salad dressing and I am sure any other normal salad dressing loving person would find it quite adequate. With no room left for dessert I merrily watch my colleagues have their last shot of nutmeg ice cream – talk about a marriage made in heaven as far as simple desserts options. Little time: BB’s Crab Back – a definite must have in Grenada! A quick stroll around St. Georges, the capital of Grenada and the only town of its size on the island, a stroll or dip in Grand Anse beach (warning: don’t leave your bag unattended on the beach) and if you have a day or two take the ferry out to Carriacou and/or Petit Martinique.

My Less than Adventurous, Adventures...another LIAT monologue

It's now 6:45 am and i am at the SVG airport. My flight was suppose to leave at 6 am arriving in Grenada at 6:30am. Got to the airport at 4:15am because like a good economy traveller I am here 2 hours before. There is a small group of people outside the door and by the time I finish paying the slurry taxi driver who was blasting dance hall at 4am, who got even more slurry when i asked him to take down the music, whose blasted car beeped practically the entire ride to the airport and who conveniently had no change, there was a man with vagrant like appearance unlocking the doors of the airport. We all enter the stuffy building and dutifully line up to check in. At this time in the morning prior to a cup of coffee there is no conversation, no laughter, no feverish, rushed or hurried movements. Drone like specters we stand in line waiting for our LIAT check out counter to open. Now maybe I got it wrong but I was of the humble opinion that if your flight leaves at 6am and you are asked to get there 2 hrs before that the airport should be opened by 4am and the check out counter should be up, rearing and ready to go but of course what do I know. I have been known to be fussy and unusually exacting. A lone LIAT officer appears at the counter and begins the slow process of checking in at 4:45. By this time there is a long cue behind us and the pungent smell of a multitude of early morning body odors, good and bad, is resting heavily on the dense, humid and dank air of the terminal. I have to leave my bags with my colleagues and walk outside or risk throwing up. Eventually, the line begins to move as a second LIAT officer arrives - they are both the picture of warm, friendly, hospitable customer service - NOT. At check in I am asked if Grenada is my final destination and given more than one piece of paper as a ticket. To be honest I am just going through the motions at this point too tired and half asleep to realize the implications of her question or the pieces of paper. As the clerk hands me my documents she says very matter a factly "your flight is ABOUT 45 minutes late" - no apologies - it just is . At this point my affect is so flattened there is absolutely no reaction from me. I make my way to immigration and the door is close and the man indicates that immigration is still closed! They are suppose to open at 5am. It is at this point that Victoria draws to my attention that our direct flight to Grenada is in fact NOT DIRECT, in fact we not even on the same flight - there is no Grenada flight - I am guessing it has been cancelled and no one saw it fit to tell us ! LIAT didn't have the common courtesy to provide basic information to its passengers. We were now going to Barbados and leaving there at 11:30am for Grenada - god alone knows what time we would actually reach at this point. At 5:30 immigration is open for business. Mind you there is no plane in sight as I stare longingly at the runway through the frosted louvers of the departure area. I realize that at this point I am beginning to sound like a broken record with my litany of LIAT woes but it still amazes me that a company could run a business this way and that the obvious incompetence of management has pervasively infected every aspect of LIAT's operations. Stopping short of cussing somebody out - which will accomplish nothing - I write to vent while carrying the fervent hope that one of you may start an airline to give LIAT some competition not difficult (albeit financial constraints) given their state of atrophy! Sigh...my LIAT monologue